“Know the enemy” the ancient Chinese general Sun Tzu advised. The flying public needs to know that they have an enemy and that his name is Les LeGroom. To get up to speed on the subject of Les, it is helpful to remember that this is the man who, back in the nineties, left the sardine canning industry and had airlines falling over themselves to hire him as a consultant. It should follow as no surprise that Les’ specialty is cramming people together in undersized seats under claustrophobic conditions. Les’ background presence is once again palpable in the new aircraft deliveries taking place right now. These airplanes have the same cabin space as their predecessors, only this time they boast a significant increase in the number of seats.

Les LeGroom is very open about his unwillingness to buy airline shares, softening his admission by claiming to be a simple fellow with simple tastes in stocks, airlines being too sophisticated for him. But don’t let that down home facade fool anyone; Les is as shrewd as they come. He was the brain behind the disappearance of food galleys in favor of more seats, recognizing that passengers pay and pastries don’t. And that brings up another area in Les’ book of what pays and what doesn’t; apparently there is some ugly water cooler talk going on at airline headquarters these days about the non-profitability of on board lavatories and maybe there needs to be some cutbacks there.

Indeed, it has been revealed through a leaked memo that Les is advocating that airlines begin to advise passengers to purchase ATBs before boarding. After some research, journalists discovered that ATB is the acronym for Airline Travel Brief, which is nothing more than a euphemism for an adult diaper. According to the memo, these should be available for a fee at the boarding gate if passengers have forgotten to supply their own. Apparently, memos are not the only leaks that airlines resent having to contend with.

Les championed the new slim seat design, which features cushions that are almost absent in their thinness. In some instances, two to three inches were taken off reclining positions. Airline spokesmen claim that this does not in any way cause the passenger discomfort because the actual reclining action is achieved through the seat’s bottom doing the sliding and thereby not impeding your rear neighbor’s knee room. Did that sentence make any sense to you? Believe me, I am as bemused as you. I got a bloody elbow from trying to understand this by trying to act it out in my Herman Miller chair. Maybe if the public had a steel rod for a backbone like Les LeGroom does, we could all be guaranteed a comfortable flight.

What is Les LeGroom’s vision for the future of air travel? It hardly bears contemplation. People shoved together in their ATBs, figuring out their ETAs and stinking to high heaven of the sardine oil showered on them by the sprinklers recently installed at the boarding gate. Practices gleaned from one industry and applied to another can have frightening consequences. We might be well advised to tuck one of those funny little can keys into our Airline Travel Briefs just in case of an emergency.

(A Note to Readers: After an earlier publication of this commentary, I received an email from a certain L.L. who politely informed me that I had misspelled his name. Correction: Les LeGroom should read as Less LegRoom.)